Welcome to the jungle, baby. . .

An independent movie made with passion and conviction can easily make the viewer forget that there wasn’t a budget of millions when they are swept up in the intricacy of the plot, the solid performance of a cast entirely dedicated to the success of the movie and are treated to a crystal clear image of the director’s vision. Sadly, Attitude for Destruction was not one of those independent movies. I admit, when I stumbled upon this little nugget, I wasn’t exactly expecting a low budget Citizen Cane of the horror world for an audience of the twenty-first century. Yes, it’s true I grabbed this flick for a bit of a chuckle and to take a break from the high quality films I have been spoiling myself with recently. It could also be said that I purposefully sought out this movie as a bribe to encourage my hair metal loving housemate to sit down and watch a horror movie with me. I now fear I may have damaged our friendship beyond redemption. . .look at the trailer whilst I go console myself.



The premise of Attitude for Destruction is in the tradition of such rock and roll horror hybrid classics as Trick or Treat and Black Roses, well when I say that, what I actually mean is that it involves a “rock” band in a horror situation. No, there are cameos from REAL rock stars, like Trick or Treat had with Gene Simmons and Ozzy, and there is no one rock and roll savior to stand up to be the hero and there isn’t even a single metal record being played backwards to reveal a hidden and Satanic message. . .why don’t I just quickly move on to the super fast synopsis part whilst I am still ahead.

The movie begins with the scene of a band play half assed teen angst pseudo emo, bedecked in halloween costume, red capes and shoddily applied fake blood running from their eyes, in a garbage bag covered room. In the corner is a blood splattered, naked chick, hanging from an upside down cross. Pretty freaking rocking so far, right? We quickly gather the young lady howling from the cross is something of a captive audience and much to our surprise, it’s not the music that’s making her wail, but the fact her fate is to be the sacrifice to some cause unknown. What happened next was pretty damned surreal, yes she was gutted and her female disembowler went on to lavishly rub her face in her entrails but then suddenly, from behind the garbage bag strewn wall emerges a blood covered dwarf in leather shorts. . .no, you didn’t just misread that, I really did write “blood covered dwarf in leather shorts”. You think you’re stunned to read that, imagine how I felt to witness it.

The movie slowly meanders on to reveal the whole tired plot of a young and upcoming metal band that are offered a contract by a devious record company that want them to ditch their Axel Rose wannabe singer. Of course, being the true rock artisans they are, they sign the contract with only the slightest of quibbles; come on man, their music DOES need to be heard by the world. Rather than getting together to tell their now ditched singer that the deal is just for the band and not him, they decided to spring it on him at a rehearsal, makes sense right? I mean, you would continue rehearsing with someone that was no longer in the band, right? Obviously, Drake (yes, the lead singer’s name really was Drake. . I know, I know. . ) takes the news quite poorly and it all ends up with him being beaned in the head with a bass guitar. . .oh yeah, and the rest of the band rallying around him and kicking him to death.

I could go into more detail about the rest of the storyline, but there really isn’t anything more. Drake’s best friend and guitarist of the band, Mark, has a few bad dreams about what they did, Drake returns from the dead and starts picking them off one by one. . .and that’s pretty much it. Oh, apart from the fact, that Drake’s girlfriend who then goes on to be Mark’s girlfriend is the girl that preformed the sacrifice at the beginning and seems to be a Mistress of the black Arts, hence how Drake returns. The end, pretty much.

This movie came off as just one long and poorly made music video to showcase two bands’ music, the first being that terrible trio at the beginning and the other being Hollywood Roses, which also just so happens to be the name of the fictional band in the movie. The real frontman of Hollywood Roses, Colby Veil, also plays the onscreen band’s frontman, and of course returns from the grave with continuity defying make up job to clumsily slaughter the rest of the band. Now, I’m not the biggest fan of the stylings of late eighties cock rock anyway, but I can acknowledge when it’s done well and Hollywood Roses (both the onscreen and real band) isn’t one of those bands. So between his musical career and this jump into the world of acting, I think its time Mister Veil rethought his career strategy.

Worst thing about Attitude for Destruction wasn’t that “Hollywood Roses” clearly had no clue as to how to play the instruments that were placed in their hands, it wasn’t the unintentionally funny script nor the horrendous wardrobe, hell it wasn’t even the big, rubber sword that Drake used to kill their poorly costumed Slash-like guitarist. No, the worst thing about Attitude for Destruction is the under use of the leather shorted, blood splattered dwarf. I was hoping he would return after his introduction at the very beginning of the film, but no, it was not to be. Now, gaze upon his beauty and tell me that he shouldn’t be in every god damned movie that is ever produced again.